Spiritual Practice


Hallie Leland

We don’t like to talk about suicide. I didn’t want to talk about it either, even when I should have. I decided to end my life. The idea didn’t come suddenly; it simmered a long time. I could have asked someone for help, but I didn’t.

My decision to end my life cost me physically, emotionally, financially; and it burdened my family and friends. I didn’t think people even noticed I was around, until I was in the hospital on life support and the doctors were telling my family I might not make it.

Weeping may linger for the night, but joy comes with the morning.
Psalm 30:5b (NRSV)

Only because of God am I here today. The doctors didn’t understand how I survived my suicide attempt. When I came out of the coma, I cried and prayed, thanking God that I was still alive. My family and friends rallied around me, determined to help me deal with the deep depression that had led me to attempt suicide.

Only because of God am I here to tell you that there is always hope. There is always another day. There is sunshine in the morning, and there are birds to sing after the darkness.

TALK ABOUT IT: If you allow God to help and if you reach out to a parent, friend, teacher, coach, or counselor, you can get through the despair. Suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem. No matter how bad the pain is now, talking about it will help you get better.

—from devozine (November/December 2012). Copyright © 2012 by The Upper Room®. All rights reserved.
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